Re: Challenges of parenting - Vanguard News

By Yetunde Arebi

Hi,
Sometime ago, we published a series of narratives on the problems of parenting in modern day Nigeria and how it can be effectively tackled. The piece you will be reading today is a contribution from a young lady. Please note that there is no time limit to contributions on any issue raised on this column. You may still send in your views on this or any of the topics raised on this column. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos and e-mail address: thehumanangle93@yahoo.com? Happy reading!

HOW is that my fault? Why do you like to shift blame on me? Is it a crime that I go extra miles in taking care of you and my children? This was the lamentation of a man who goes out to work and leaves the responsibility of taking care of their children to his wife. Chief Tony was a wealthy man and he always ensured that he does his possible best for his wife who is a full time house wife to take care of their children. Chief was always occupied, moving from one country to the other and also from one continent to another, making money and sending it home to his wife and children.

The family was doing so wonderfully well and Chief had nothing to worry about. Their children?s conducts and performances were worthy of emulation by other children in church and in school. Whenever chief was at home, he was always very happy and proud that he would always praise his wife for doing such a great job.

Everything was moving on smoothly until Segun, the first son and first born of the family gained admission into the university. On the day he was to go to school, Chief was not around. The mother as usual was left to do all the counselling. She called him to her room and advised him on a lot of things, especially on the need to continue being the good boy that he has always been and to always remember the son of whom he is. They prayed together and he left for school. At school, Segun became very engulfed in church activities, so much that his academic performance at the end of the first year was not encouraging. He came back home crying but the mother encouraged him to put more effort. Fortunately or otherwise, Chief came home that week unannounced and when he was told about the boy?s unexpected poor performance, he got angry and called the boy to scold him.

He told Segun ?why are you doing as if you are the first person to gain admission into the university? If I had not faced my studies, do you think I will be accepted by the people the way I am now? Why are you carrying church on your head as if you are Jesus? My friend, when you get back to school, I want you to do everything possible to make it. Go extra miles, burn candles, waste my money on materials and make it for yourself?.

Now Segun was left alone with the dilemma of his father?s advice and began thinking seriously about how to go about achieving the things his father wanted. When he got back to school, he decided to slow down on his church activities and started missing fellowships. He began attending more classes. Along the line, one of his roommates invited him to a meeting with a group of other guys. When Segun asked him what the meeting was about, his friend told him it was a reading and discussion group and that they could assist him improve his grades and help him pass his examinations. Segun, out of desperation to pass and make his father proud of him as he had always been, quickly accepted and was even dressed up before the proposed time.

On his first day at the meeting they read according to his friend. But after one week of being with them, he started to notice that all they did in the group was not all about studying. Many of the boys had different characters and behaviours that he would have preferred not to be associated with. Then one day, they told him about a friend?s birthday party holding in another town and out of fear of being rejected by the group, he agreed to follow them. At the party, he was taught how to drink and how to smoke at the same time.

Before long, Segun began living another way of life apart from the orientation he had at home. The group also introduced him to alcohol, sex and drugs as well as examination malpractice. He soon discovered that the group was also affiliated to another group which he finally discovered to be a cult group. Over the years, he was caught thrice in the examination hall and was finally rusticated from the school but he refused to leave the school premises. This is typical of many students who get caught in the course of being involved in cultism. This afforded him the opportunity to continue his activities in the cult. He would always send home for money on the pretence that he is busy in school and cannot come home. The parents in return will send him money and food stuff, believing that he is studying hard.

Everything finally came to an end when one day, they went for an operation and were arrested. The police contacted Segun?s parents and this time around, Chief was around. Together, they rushed to the Police Station where they met a very tearful Segun. He confessed all he had been doing in school and apologised to his parents for letting them down. Chief tried to bail him but the bail was rejected and he was forced to leave. That day at home, Chief and his wife started blaming each other. Chief?s main point was that while he was away looking for means of making life comfortable, why did his wife neglect the boy in school? According to him, had he been paying regular visits to the boy in school, she would have discovered his activities before it got out of hand.

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Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/re-challenges-of-parenting/

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